Don't Take Them Off Till They're Nice and Ripe!

Hey, guy. Don't worry what your uptight wife says. Keep wearing those big ol' boots till they can stink up the house. Are you wearing those thick black athletic socks? How long've you been wearing them? Ten days?! That's great. It's good to know you want to conserve water and electricity. You plan to air out those puppies any time soon? At the party. Well, wait after the big dance. Then at the table, slowly unlace your boots, and let the cool air flow over your sock feet. Now, your sweaty sock smells will waft up to the noses of everyone at the table. Bob will say, "Gee, do you smell that?" Someone else will remark on the cheesy nachos. But there aren't any. Your wife's nose will wrinkle and she'll peek under the table at your wonderful feet. "Put your damn shoes on!" she hisses. "I gotta air my dogs out," you say. Bob says, "So it is your feet. Must feel great to take those boots off. Maybe I'll do the same." And Bob pries off his patent-leather lace-ups. They look great, but man, what a sweatbox. He sighs with relief as he wriggles his large, black-socked feet. Your wife will be all mad. Who she thinks she is, Audrey Hepburn? Yeah, right. She'll get over it tonight as you hide your thick, hard, red-brown salami deep inside her. You'll be thinking that you and Bob should get together and compete to see whose feet, socks, and shoes can stink up the largest area the fastest. He was sniffing a new Caterpillar work boot at the store, trying to guess the origin of the leather. Of course, he was being sort of funny. But that twerpy salesguy with the glasses gave him attitude. Sometime, you and Bob should try on shoes but only after wearing the same socks for two weeks. Maybe that kid's glasses will fog over with the steaminess of your feet.